The Stone Detective
by G.N. Took-Baggins
Summary: Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain are faced with a strange situation, one that causes Skulduggery to rely on his earth abilities to save himself. Now he's nothing but a statue. Valkyrie must try to cope with her loss and take over his job till he recovers, but when a familiar stranger shows up to complicate things, events twist in unexpected ways.
1. Chapter 1

The wind tore at Valkyrie Cain's coat, causing it to whip around her legs, brutally. She watched as the Bentley swerved into the driveway, the door opened and a tall man got out, he had a scarf, hat and sunglasses covering his face. Skulduggery Pleasant straightened his exquisite suit and walked towards her. "How's it looking?" he asked.

She smirked. "Nice to see you too. It looks troublesome, but nothing we can't handle."

Skulduggery nodded. "Is there anything that we can't handle?" he chuckled, Valkyrie wasn't laughing. "Come on, Val." he said, plaintively.

She shrugged. "Sorry, guess you're just not funny."

He shook his head sadly and headed to the edge of the pier. "So, the victim was found in here?"

She nodded. "Yup. William Branson, 189, didn't look a day over 40." she smirked. "Ah, the wonders of being a sorcerer."

Skulduggery shook his head. "Yeah, cause of death?" he asked, in a professional manner. There'd been some tension between them, ever since he'd socked Fletcher 3 days previously. Fletcher had been making wisecracks about Skulduggery's ignorance pertaining to his wife and child, Skulduggery walked in, heard him and didn't even hesitate to send Fletcher through the wall. Suffice it to say Valkyrie hadn't taken too kindly to that.

Skulduggery peered over at the water. "How long was he...?" he began, but realized that Valkyrie was looking at him strangely and didn't finish. "What?" he asked.

She tilted her head. "How'd it go?" she asked, biting her lip.

He sighed. "Fine." he lied.

"What'd she want?" she pursed her lips, trying to keep from laughing.

"Nothing, nothing at all."

"Skulduggery... China said it was urgent and personal and that she needed to see you as soon as possible, I know you're still furious with her, and I understand why, I'm angry too. But you can't pass off anything she has to say as 'nothing'." Valkyrie bit her lip, hoping she hadn't said too much, he was rather sensitive recently.

Skulduggery turned and fixed her with a steely gaze, or at least it felt like a steely gaze, but she couldn't quite tell.

Valkyrie sighed. "Skulduggery, you've got to give her a chance."

Skulduggery ignored her and went back to his original question. "How long was he in the water for?"

Valkyrie bit her lip. "Approximately 8 hours. He was an Elemental, a poor one at that." she said, reading out of the notebook in her hand. "He usually didn't do more than sparks here and there, if he was lucky he could do a slight gust of wind."

He nodded and turned back to the Bentley. "Come on, let's go." Valkyrie sighed and followed him. "You do know that you owe me an apology."

Skulduggery tilted his head at her.

"You left me here with the Sanctuary detectives for 2 hours," she explained. "You at least owe me an explanation, if not an apology."

Skulduggery sighed and unlocked the car, then opened the door, but did not get in. "China wanted to apologize, and... she also had other things in mind."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "Like?"

He sighed again, getting more and more irritated. "She wanted me to do her a favor, she has something she wants us to look into."  
"What does she want us to look into? What did you say?"

"No, of course. And it's just something."

Valkyrie sighed in irritation and got in the car. "You really should forgive her, you know, I liked it much more when you two were friends."

Skulduggery got in next to her and started up the car. "Your opinion is not of importance in this matter."  
"Well, whose opinion is of importance?"

He scoffed. "Mine, obviously."

She sighed and rolled her eyes.

They continued down the road till they reached the Sanctuary. When they got inside they headed for Ghastly's office, Skulduggery knocked impatiently. Tanith answered, looking irritated and she flounced out the door without a word, just a curt nod at Valkyrie. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow at Ghastly, who waved away her look, dismissively. "What do you two need?" he asked, fidgeting in his seat.

Valkyrie looked at him, with a hint of pity. "Um, we're here to-" she began but Skulduggery cut her off. "Ghastly," he said, sounding amused. "What's up with Tanith?" he asked, sounding like a giddy child now.

"Nothing." Ghastly replied, annoyed. "If you don't have anything to say, then please leave, Elders have much more to do than one might think." he said, turning to a stack of papers on his desk.

Skulduggery huffed, determined not to be brushed away, so he swaggered over and let out a sigh as he settled onto Ghastly's desk, causing a glare from Ghastly. "Get off my desk, lazy bones." he said, tiredly. Skulduggery laughed emptily. "Oh, that's a new one." he said, sarcastically.

Valkyrie sighed. "Can we get on with this?" she asked. "Alright Ghastly, we need to be filled in on this Branson case." she said, business-like.

Ghastly sat forward. "Sorry Val, you two aren't on this one."

"What?!" Valkyrie and Skulduggery asked at once.

"Why not?" She asked.

"Because, the rest of the Elders are already furious with me, they hate the fact that I assign every case to you two and they blatantly ignore the fact that you two are the best we've got. So I need you two to step back, just this once mind you, you're not off the hook for good."

Valkyrie scoffed and rolled her eyes, but Skulduggery nodded thoughtfully. "Alright." He said and left the room. Valkyrie stared after him for a minute, then followed incredulously.

"We're just letting this go? Why?"

"Ghastly has his reasons, beside we've got more important hinges to be doing."

"Like?"

"Well... we'll think of something, we usually do." He shrugged his bony shoulders.

"Let's head over to Gordon's place." She suggested, glancing at him.

His posture suggested that he was in a nonchalant mood, but by the tilt of his head he assumed to be thinking.

"Alright." He said slowly.

-

The Bentley rolled into the driveway of Gordon Edgley's mansion, it was a lovely old house, the shutters needed a bit of fixing up though.

Valkyrie got out of the car and walked up to the house, she pushed the door open and entered. She bounded up the old staircase to Gordon's office, she went to the secret tunnel and opened it.

She reached over and snatched up the Echo Stone, cradle and all, then ran back downstairs to the kitchen. Where Skulduggery was leaning against a counter, studying a piece of old fruit. "Glad I don't have them." He said, looking up at her.

"Sorry, have what?" She frowned slightly, as the figure of Gordon Edgley appeared.

Skulduggery made a scoffing sound, although how, was beyond Valkyries imagination. "Wrinkles." He held up the fruit in his hand.

She nodded a bit, still confused then turned to face her uncle.

"Good evening." He beamed, rubbing his hands together.

"Hello, Gordon." Valkyrie said, pretending to give him a kiss on the cheek, it was a bit silly and made Skulduggery shake his head, but they found it amusing.

"Gordon, how's your stone been?" Skulduggery asked, setting the dead fruit back on the counter.

"Cramped, to be honest. If you hadn't let me out when you did, I probably would have gone mad." He chuckled a bit.

"I'm sure, but I've been mad, it takes quite a bit more than two days in an Echo Stone."

"Yes, I know." Gordon rolled his eyes.

"We just wanted to say, but I just remembered that it's my turn to babysit Alice." Valkyrie said, playing with the sleeve of her coat.

Skulduggery turned his head to her, the light catching his pearl bone, Gordon eyed her and took a step forward.

"What?" She asked.

"Bring her here." Gordon grinned. "I want to meet my new niece."

"Aha, no. Not doing that." Valkyrie said, stepping back.

"Please? You promised I could meet her." Skulduggery said, slumping his shoulders.

She bit her lip and closed her eyes. "Fine. Only because I want to stay with you two, but have to watch her."

The two dead men exchanged an indeterminate look. "Understood." They said in synchronicity.

Valkyrie rolled her eyes as she noticed that Gordon was bouncing a bit.

"I'll pull the car around then." Skulduggery said, walking out quickly, a definite bounce in his step.

She trudged after him, groaning. "Don't go anywhere, Uncle Gordon!" She called over her shoulder.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to." Gordon sighed.

Valkyrie climbed into the Bentley and buckled, Skulduggery was very particular about seat belts. They arrived at the Edgley's house in 10 minutes time, Valkyrie hopped out and ran in to see her mum holding Alice and bouncing a bit.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mum." She said, walking forward to take the squirming toddler.

"It's fine, Steph, I'm usually a couple minutes late anyways." She said, kissing Valkyrie on the top of the head.

She smiled at her mother and hugged Alice tight. "Wave bye-bye to Mum." She said to the small child, who flopped her hand about lazily at her mother as the woman walked out the door, blowing kisses.

As soon as Melissa Edgley drove off Skulduggery Pleasant had tapped his collarbones and let his facade slid up over his head. He got out of the Bentley and approached the house, poking his head in the door and grinning.

"May I?" He asked, holding his arms out and walking towards Valkyrie.

"Fine." She groaned and handed over her little sister, a little wary of handing her to a walking, talking skeleton.

"Oh, hello lovely." Skulduggery said in a high babying voice, he bounced her and held her tight. "She's beautiful. Aren't you, dear? Yes you are." His cooing brought a grin from Valkyrie.

"Wow, you're kind of cut out for this type of thing, aren't you?"

He shrugged. "I suppose so."

She smiled. "Alright, let's head back, Ghastly should be waiting for us." She headed out the door and Skulduggery followed whilst zerberting Alice's cheek, or as best he could without lips.

"Don't slob on her." Valkyrie warned.

"I'm a skeleton." He said through a grin, "I don't have spittle." He said, making noises at Alice, making her giggle and clap her hands.

They arrived at Gordon's and walked in, as soon as Valkyrie had stepped out of the car Skulduggery had snatched Alice back, playing with her and baby-talking her. She silently hoped that Gordon would be better with kids as they walked into his mansion for the second time that day.

Skulduggery walked into the kitchen and tapped the Echo Stone, and Gordon Edgley's figure appeared again. "Oh she's darling!" He cried upon seeing Alice and he started making baby noises and tickling her neck, even though he couldn't actually touch her.

"I'm _so_ going to regret this." Valkyrie groaned.


	2. Chapter 2

As Skulduggery and Gordon played with Alice, Valkyrie decided to pop outside, surely they wouldn't notice, she reasoned. She went onto the porch and looked out to the road, just in time to see a car pull in. She frowned and went back into the house. "Hey, we've got company. Are we supposed to?"

Skulduggery stood up and walked over to the door, handing Alice back to Valkyrie. "No." He said, with a serious tone. "Take her away, keep her safe and put Gordon back."

Gordon's eyes widened. "No, I want to stay and help, please." He begged, looking in between them.

Valkyrie stared at him for a minute, then walked over and stuffed the Echo Stone back in it's container and went upstairs as fast as she was willing to with Alice.

She put the Echo Stone back and went for a closet, where she set Alice down on the ground and knelt in front of her. "Alice dear, listen to me. I need you to stay here, don't come out. And be quiet." She put a finger to her lips to emphasize the 'quiet'.

Little Alice nodded and raised her index finger to her lips, whispering "Shush." over and over. Valkyrie wrapped her little sister in a blanket that was there and scooted her back, underneath a shelf, stuffing some pillows in front of her. Then she rearranged stuff a bit to make it look like nothing was out of the ordinary.

She stepped back and stared at where her baby sister was concealed, she bit her lip and breathed deeply, then went to help Skulduggery.

She got downstairs to see Skulduggery come flying in through the front door. She gasped and ran to pull him up, then looked out to see what was there.

A black SUV was parked and several men were there. One was dressed in tight dark purple trousers, a light grey button up and a black trench coat on top. He was decorated in a scarf and several chains that were strung across his pockets and he had black finger-less gloves. His black hair was a little bit longer than chin length and he had heavy black makeup circling his eyes. He was grinning maliciously and fingering a ball of flame that was building up in his hand.

She swore and started to build up a flame of her own, but Skulduggery got there first, launching fireball after fireball at the men. The one in the trench coat blocked most of them and used a gust of air to blow Skulduggery off his feet. He then turned and did the same to Valkyrie.

She crashed into the table behind her shattering it. Skulduggery jumped up and launched fireballs at the men, they hit the first one and sizzled out once it hit his coat, almost like a snow ball on fire, but the other way around.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie exchanged looks then both started launching fireballs at his head, he somehow managed to duck all of them.

He launched himself at Valkyrie, grabbing her throat and dragging her to the ground. Skulduggery pulled out his pistol and held it to the mans head, but he already had a hand around Valkyrie's throat and was building up a fireball next to her face, ready to burn her.

"Let her go." Skulduggery said, aiming the gun at his head. If he had eyes, there'd be fire in them.

Valkyrie whimpered a bit as the fire neared her skin. "What do you want?!" She screamed as the man's hand got closer and closer.

"I want the man, the one with the ugly scarred face. I want him." A wicked grin stretched across the man's face.

Valkyrie wasn't expecting that. "Ghastly?!"

"Yeah, him. Tell him Bartameus Farrow wants to see him, he'll understand." The man shrugged a bit.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "And I'm guessing that you're Bartameus Farrow."

"Indeed I am, bone man."

"What do you want with Ghastly?" Valkyrie asked, trying not to pull away for fear that he'd burn her, but he closed his fist and the flame diminished.

"Just tell me where he is and no one gets hurt." Farrow growled in her ear.

"Alright, he should be at the Sanctuary." She said, fear in her voice and she shot an apologetic look at Skulduggery.

The man nodded, laughing a bit. "Thank you, Miss Cain."

He let her go, building up another fireball. He whistled over his shoulder, calling up one of his goonies. A large bald man who didn't look too pleased walked up, cracking his knuckles.

The big man grabbed Valkyrie by the throat, she spluttered and immediately tried drawing in as much air as possible.

Skulduggery dove forward, but Farrow shoved him back. "Sit tight or I'll burn her." he warned, a fireball quickly appearing next to Valkyrie.

The skeleton slowly retreated. "You don't want to start this, Farrow." he said, anger apparent in his voice.

Farrow tilted his head. "Oh don't I?" he sneered, grabbing Valkyrie's head by her hair and pulling her close.

The large man laughed deeply, now with his hands free, he approached Skulduggery. He rubbed his knuckles, then swung a punch.

Skulduggery ducked, and lashed out, kicking the man in the knee.

The man howled, but didn't miss his chance to turn his fist into a sledgehammer and swing it at Skulduggery, who ducked and weaved to the side. Both of his fists changed and he swung them simultaneously.

Skulduggery had trouble keeping up, dodging and bobbing back and forth. The man had him cornered, he raised his sledgehammer fist and brought it down with immense force.

Skulduggery looked over at Valkyrie, being held by Farrow, he knew there was only one thing to do. He blocked out images, the closest thing he had to closing his eyes, he breathed deeply and pulled at the earth. Letting it course through him, he could feel it running over his bones, through the marrow and twisting around him. People and images came to his mind.

His wife and child, Ghastly sizing him up for measurements, China and him fighting back to back, talking to Gordon and making plans for his book, saving Valkyrie numerous times. They all spun in his head.

Suddenly his vision turned stone, so did the rest of him. His clean bones turned grey and rough, his pearl white skull faded over and turned to concrete. No trace of him being a real skeleton was left, he was nothing but a statue.


	3. Chapter 3

After Skulduggery had turned to stone, Farrow and his goons had left, they saw no danger in a teenager and a statue. They had laughed too. And burned her before they went.

Valkyrie had screamed and cried as they had burned little bits of her arms, making her writhe and wriggle, in attempts to get away.

Now she sat by herself on the ground, crying silently. She sniffled and looked up at the statue. It sat there in a cowering position, his jaw open as if he was screaming. It was still, as if mocking her. The worst vignette possible, sat right in front of her.

She closed her eyes, it was nigh impossible to look at it ... him. She wasn't sure what to call it anymore, technically it was a him, but it was stone, therefore an it.

She shuddered, the world was at a stand still.

A whoosh and footsteps behind her made her turn. She smiled a bit as Fletcher Renn walked up. "You texted, I came," he said, bending to help her up. She let him and he pulled her into a hug. "Are you okay?" he asked, quietly.

She shook her head, sniffling.

"Alright," he whispered. "Let's go."

-

The days went by fast, they got colder for Ireland, and lonelier for Valkyrie. The empty feeling in her stomach got bigger and hollower by the day. The statue now sat in a little tailors shop in Roarhaven, it was always still and all who cast their eyes upon it felt a certain sadness.

-

Ghastly Bespoke had trouble working around his best friends figure, he had once used the earth mechanism and he now knew how painful it was for everyone else, to have to sit and stare.

He worked more recently, constantly cutting and making suits, all fitted Skulduggery's obscure measurements, he didn't want Skulduggery to run out of his exquisite dressings.

He sat at his desk, marking down measurements of other customers. He ran a hand over his scarred head, he was deep in thought. He and Tanith had had an argument and he hadn't seen her since, so it was quite a surprise when she walked in the door of his shop. "Hello Ghastly," she said, her sweet English accent filling his room, and his chest, with a ringing form of delight.

"Tanith," he grunted in reply, still scribbling furiously.

She sighed and slipped into the chair across from him. "I need new boots," she shrugged, motioning down at her feet.

"I know," he said, looking up at her. "Every six months you need new boots, it's been seven since I last made you a pair."

She laughed lightly. "You do know your customers, don't you?"

"Of course, it's my job as a shop owner," he said, nonchalantly.

"Ghastly, let's talk, please. I don't want to fight, and I know you're upset with... That," she said, pointing at the back room, where the stone detective sat.

He nodded solemnly. "Then let's talk," he sat back in his chair, facing her.

She swallowed hard. "You start," she said, apparently uncomfortable.

He sighed. "Alright. I want to apologize for what I said, about you not caring and being stubborn."

"No, you're right. I am stubborn and I'm not as caring as I should be," she said, placing a hand on his arm

Ghastly lifted her hand off his arm and brought it to his lips, leaving a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. She smiled and blushed a bit. He stood up and walked to the back room, dropping his pen and paper on the side table there. He sighed and threw a glance at the statue.

Tanith walked in behind him, she walked up and placed her hands on his shoulders, she slowly moved her left hand up to his head. She trailed her fingers along his scars, hugging him close to her. He leaned his head back on hers, putting an arm behind him to pull her close.

She pulled back from him and walked around to his front, her finger still moving along his head. She hugged him close to her, kissing the side of his head. He smiled a bit and hugged her back, putting his head down in her neck.

"What are we going to do with Skul?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I have no idea."

Tanith looked up to see him, then leaned in to kiss him. She was a few inches away before pulling back and giggling.

"I'm sorry, I can't kiss you with him watching," she covered her mouth, feeling bad.

Ghastly laughed a bit and took off his suit jacket, he turned and threw it over the statue. "Better?" he asked.

Tanith nodded, pursing her lips.

-

The wind swept up papers in the street and threw them around, one was a page from a newspaper, '_Mystery Man Convicted For 3 Murders, Escapes This Morning' _read the headline. It tumbled to a stop at a someone's feet, the man who the feet belonged to bent down to scoop it up. He smoothed it out and read the words on the article. A deep velvety chuckle escaped from his throat and he released the paper, letting it blow off again.

It splayed out and stuck itself to the windshield of a Bentley, the hard pouring rain quickly made the ink run and after several hours the paper began to deteriorate and slipped off, getting stuck on the grate of a man hole.

-

Valkyrie walked into the Sanctuary, the mass of the building made her want to shrink away in shame, but she faced it and continued walking. She reached Ghastly's office, the door was open, so she knocked on it as she walked in. "Ghastly?" she addressed him, feeling small compared to the man behind the desk.

Ghastly looked up and his face softened upon seeing her. "Hello, Val. What are you doing here?"

"Well, I was kind of hoping you had a case for me," she said, it was a tad awkward to be doing this.

"Oh," his face fell somewhat. "No, I don't have any for you."

She sighed. "Ghastly, I know I'm not as good without him, but I can do it, and someone's got to keep things going while he's-"

"Yes, someone will, and I'm sorry, but that someone's not you. We already have the perfect person for the job," He stood up and walked over to stand next to her. "You should go home, Valkyrie, spend some time with your family. You need it."

Valkyrie stood up, glaring at him. "Who do you have?"

At that moment, a familiar person walked through the door, Dexter Vex.

Valkyrie huffed angrily. "Him? You've got _him_ to do Skulduggery's job?"

Ghastly cleared his throat and nodded. "Yes."

Dexter gave Val a weak smile. "Hello, darling. I was deeply sorry to hear about Skul."

Valkyrie felt a surge of anger and hit him, not hard, but in a temper-tantrum way. "I doubt it!" she snapped and stormed out. She knew it was childish, but she didn't care, she'd lost her best friend and had to find her own ways to cope.

Even if toddler fits were a proper way to cope.

-

Valkyrie flopped down on her bed, her reflection had already retreated into her mirror and she'd just had dinner with her family for the first time in months.

She grabbed her homework and did a few pages of it, then threw it back on the desk.

She laid back, sighing, she just couldn't get comfortable. Her thoughts kept drifting back to Skulduggery, his shiny bones turning to stone, it growing over him like a moss. It was almost too much for her to bear.

She grabbed her phone from her nightstand and dialed Tanith's number.

"Hello?" a soft English voice filtered through phone towers came through, loud and clear.

"Tanith? Can I talk to you?" Valkyrie asked, she sounded miserable.

"Of course, Val." she sounded concerned.

"What do I do? I feel like there's nothing important to do."

"Just spend time with your family."

"Why does everyone say that?" she cried, getting frustrated.

"Because," Tanith's voice had turned stern. "You spent so much time with Skulduggery that you probably hardly know your family anymore, you need to spend time with them."

Valkyrie sighed, she knew Tanith meant well, but she didn't feel it. "Okay."

"Good," the young Englishwoman sounded pleased with herself.

"You mean now, don't you?"

"Of course I mean now!"

Valkyrie sighed, "Alright, bye," and with that she hung up, setting her mobile down.

She left her room and bounced down the stairs. Melissa Edgley sat curled up on the sofa with a book in hand and a cup of coffee on the side table.

"Hey mum." she forced a smile on her face and sat down on the couch next to her mother.

"Hey Steph. You okay?" Melissa asked, looking up.

"Um, yeah." Valkyrie nodded. "Just tired, I guess."

"Alright." Melissa went back to reading.

Valkyrie sighed and leaned up against her mother, who began stroking her head in that comforting way a mother does. Val closed her eyes, yet again she had that lonely feeling. But this time it wasn't as bad, because her mother was there, to protect her from harsh feelings.

Valkyrie drifted off to sleep.

She dreamed of Skulduggery, dying and dying again, but everytime there was someone there to help her, to keep her from harm. And it was her mother. The wonders of motherhood fascinated Valkyrie, they were like superheroes.

When she woke no one was there and that angry lonely feeling returned.

Yet again, she was...

... Alone.


	4. Chapter 4

The dark storm clouds overhead swirled and spiraled into angry cover, obscuring the sun from view. The trench coated man who stalked the streets of Dublin walked up to the door of the Edgley's, he didn't knock or even enter, he just stood there, listening. He could hear Desmond Edgley preparing for bed, he heard Melissa mixing up muffin batter to put in the fridge over night and eaten as breakfast the next morning, but the one that interested him most, was Stephanie, playing with her sister and sounding perfectly happy, except for the underlayer in her voice, a lonesome, sorrowful tone. He continued listening as the Edgley family went up the stairs, said their goodnights and went to their bedrooms.

Two identical voices came from one room, so he left the porch and went round to the side of the house, underneath Miss Stephanie's window. He manipulated the air to lift himself to right next to the window and listened as she conversed with her reflection. Apparently, she had a date with a 'Fletcher' and she didn't know what to wear, so she asked her reflection, who was as clueless as her, due to the fact that they were identical. Stephanie pulled out her mobile and took pictures of said outfits then texted them to a friend.

The man outside the window retreated to the ground, Stephanie Edgley may have been a threat, but not an urgent one. For now, he had to deal with Sorrows and Bespoke.

Valkyrie awoke with a start, a small smile creeping onto her mouth, as she remembered what was planned for the day. Breakfast with her parents, a nice long meal, shopping with Tanith and dinner with Fletcher afterwards. She crawled out of bed and went into the shower, throwing her pajamas into the hamper as she went. After standing under the hot water for nearly 40 minutes, she climbed out and turned it off. She dressed in ordinary jeans and t-shirt and bounded down the stairs. "Morning, Mum," she grinned, kissing her mother on the cheek. Her father strode past, ruffling her wet hair as he went. "Good morning!" he sang.

She scrunched up her nose, "Daaad," she whined.

"Oh hush, you," he planted a kiss on her forehead.

She grinned and went about getting fruit loops for breakfast, pouring orange juice on top instead of milk.

She ate slowly, deep in thought.

Several minutes later she realized that her mother was trying to get her attention.

"What?" she asked, looking at the woman, who was spooning mush into Alice's mouth.

"I asked, what time is Fletcher picking you up?"

"Oh, um... 5:30."

"Alright then, you should probably get ready to go out with Tanith."

"Right," she slapped the table and jumped up.

Shopping was fine, if not a bit boring. They went around the mall nearly four times, getting everything Tanith could ever want. While standing in the shoe aisle Tanith turned to her. "Are you alright?" she asked, a creeping suspicion that she wasn't filled her mind.

Valkyrie shrugged. "I suppose I'm alright," she lied.

"Mhmm," Tanith bit her lip and checked the price on a pair of burgundy wedge boots. "I like these."

The younger girl nodded, not really paying attention. They moved on from shoes and Tanith asked Valkyrie where she wanted to go. She chose books.

They went to an aisle full of books and breathed in, the scent of fresh paper, newly bound covers and the clean aroma of the printing factories filled their eager noses.

Tanith smiled as Valkyrie ran her finger over the spines, feeling the pressed words and stroking the edges of the pages. "Don't you just love books?''

Tanith's nose wrinkled a bit. "Honestly? No," she held up her hands defensively as Valkyrie turned on her. "Now, now, when you've lived as long as I have you start to lose your appreciation for that kind of thing."

"If anything, I'd have thought you'd get more of an appreciation," Valkyrie huffed.

"Well, not when you know what they use to make them," she began to list all the ingredients in the glue they use and the likes. But Valkyrie wasn't listening, her eyes were trained on a book. The title was 'How To Cope With A Loss'. She swallowed hard. It hurt to swallow, because a lump had formed in her throat, a sharp one. She left the aisle quickly, not interested in the books anymore.

Tanith followed. "Valkyrie? Are you alright, darling?" she asked, shoving past people to keep up.

"Let's jut go," Valkyrie muttered back, somehow Tanith heard her and they did, they checked out as quickly as possible and Tanith dropped Valkyrie off at home.

"How did shopping go?" came Melissa Edgley's voice down the hall. It was sweet and high, just the thing to change Valkyrie's mood, even just a bit.

"Fine!" she called back. "I'll be upstairs, I want to have a lie down." she trudged up to her room and stretched herself out on her bed.

'How To Cope With A Loss'. She wasn't sure what it was about that book that had set her off, it wasn't like Skulduggery was dead. But she had lost him, If only she'd been able to stop those men, then he wouldn't have needed to do that. Now she was angry with herself, the last thing she needed at the moment.

She considered calling Ghastly, to apologize for storming out of his office like that and for yelling, but she didn't, she just stared at her phone. Normally at this time she would be out with Skulduggery, arresting someone.

She stared at the ceiling, the past few days had felt like they were stretched, like some sort of punishment, long and painful. She sighed and turned on her side, her gaze slowly moving to the wall. She wasn't sure what it was that made her so depressed, she knew he'd come back eventually.

She lifted herself off the bed and crossed the room to the door, where she stood with her hand hovering over the handle. She looked down at her wrist. 5:15. They'd been out shopping for 4 hours.

She sighed and abandoned the door handle moving to the closet. She grabbed a dark blue dress and tossed it on. It was form fitting, came down a little above her knees, and had lace covering the skirt. She threw a leather jacket over it and put on studded boots.

Descending the stairs she saw Fletcher in the hall, chatting with her dad. He was dressed in nice jeans and had a suit coat thrown on top of a t-shirt, nice but casual, she liked it.

"Hey you," she gave her biggest and best 'I'm okay' smile, which didn't seem to fool Fletcher. When she hugged him, he whispered. "You okay?"

She stared at him, then shook her head, it was such a small movement that he barely caught it. "Let's go," she went and said goodbye to her mum and dad.

The night played out well, Fletcher was a gentleman and Valkyrie got to talk, which she wasn't able to do with Tanith or her parents, the only people that she talked to that seemed to be listening was Gordon, her dead uncle and Alice, her baby sister.

It showed that she was in desperate need of company with knowledge of her extensive magical side life, although recently it felt like school, her parents and being a normal kid was her side life and fighting vampires and other such creatures was the life she was born in to.

But it wasn't, life with her best friend and partner Skulduggery Pleasant was just a life she'd fallen into, kind of like when you're walking down the road and find a penny, you pick up the penny and keep it, not because you're greedy but because it's a shiny penny that leads to more than just 1 cent, it promises a whole new world of shiny pennies and happy occurrences like that one you just had when you found that special little copper coin.  
Well, maybe not exactly like that.

Valkyrie poked at her desert, not wanting to take a bite for fear of what the sweet might do to her sour mood. She set down her fork and stared across the table at Fletcher, who stared back, his big round eyes had a sad soft look about them, not normally, just right now as he watched her pick at her food.

"You okay?" he asked softly, reaching across and placing his hand on hers, it gave her warm fuzzies inside and she wiggled in her seat. His London charm always gave her a good feeling, which destroyed all hopes of remaining depressed till Skulduggery came back.  
Which might have been sooner than she expected.

She smiled at him and nodded slowly. "I will be," she pursed her lips and stared at her plate, the chocolate covered strawberries placed delicately on top of the angel food cake, giving it a lovely appearance of being gourmet, but was actually quite cheap in both quality and price.

Fletcher leaned across the table and grinned at her. She chuckled and leaned in, her heart bounced a bit as he got closer, she felt like a rabbit was doing jumping jacks in her stomach. She giggled slightly as he got closer and closer, her ears burned and her face flushed.

A commotion arose on the other side of the restaurant, they both pulled away and looked. A tall man had just entered, he had a long trench coat, an impeccable suit and a wide brimmed hat that covered his eyes. He waltzed past the waiters and stretched out his arm, his fingers curled like he was holding an invisible tennis ball. He then pulled his arm back sharply, the air around him pulling at a nearby table, yanking it from its spot, tearing the guests from their seats and sending them to the floor.

He did the same to many other tables, making guests scream and flee from their tables, heading for the back of the restaurant. The man laughed coldly and then set some tables ablaze, the flames licked at the oxygen, absorbing it. The light from the fire glowed on his face, showing his dark eyes and long nose, thin lips and hollow cheekbones. He looked familiar to Valkyrie, not his eyes or his nose, but his face structure, the way his face was built.

Fletcher grabbed Valkyrie and pulled her away from the table, putting himself in between her and the angry sorcerer. (Of course he's a sorcerer, what'd you expect, a grocer?) The young Londoner moved backwards, moving her with him, shoving tables away from him. He was obviously preparing to teleport away if need be, something that was dangerous when in the presence of others.

Valkyrie watched wide eyed as two costumers stood up, one was a squat man with a balding head and the other was a tall blonde with poofy lips. The blonde woman stretched out her hand, palm up and a fireball appeared, it just sprouted up like a daisy. She pulled her hand back and launched it at the man with the hat. But the man ducked and the fireball went into a dessert tray, lighting the cloth coverinng on fire and the smell of burned sugar filled the air.

Valkyrie covered her nose and conjured some flames of her own, just as she was about to launch them, Fletcher stopped her. "What are you doing?" she snapped, angry that he'd, literally, extinguished her chances of fighting back.

He grabbed her wrist and hissed. "Don't draw attention," he pulled her away from the table and into the corner, he wanted to leave but stayed there to handle the situation if need be.

But Valkyrie was not under the same impression. "Let's go," she whispered, pushing her way towards the door, shoving tables and chairs out of the way. She thought she'd wanted to fight, but she realized that without Skulduggery she didn't want to fight, not anymore, not alone.

Fletcher followed behind and they left the restaurant, he clung to her arm, not aware of how much he was squeezing. But she didn't care, she just wanted to go.

They got out onto the street and headed for a spot under the trees where he could teleport them out. Her breathing was heavier than she'd expected, her heart beat hard in her chest and her ears rang.

Fletcher fumbled in his pocket for his mobile, checking the time. "It's 7 till 10:00," he said, pursing his lips and throwing a glance over his shoulder.

Valkyrie bent over and pressed her palms against her knees, taking hard breaths. "Give me a minute," she muttered. The air shushed past her ears, leaving a whistling sound behind.

He reached out and rested a hand on the small of her back, normally she would have pulled away, but it felt good, comforting. Better than she was expecting.

The sounds of heavy footsteps behind them made her look up, the tall man from the restaurant was approaching them, she looked behind him at the building, it sat there silently for 3 long seconds before it engulfed itself in flames.

She felt a few tears sting her eyes as she thought of how many people had been trapped in there, the ones that had just been burned alive. She felt a pang in her chest and the heavy, sharp lump returned to her throat.

The tall man strode casually forward, a smirk stained on his face. She lunged forward and started hammering on his chest, it was irrational and yet again, childish, but she didn't care. She was angry and was expressing it in whichever way she chose.

Fletcher tried to pull her back, but the tall man waved him away and shoved her back, Fletcher caught her in his arms. "Now, young girl," the tall man spoke, his velvety voice leaving both of them stunned. "We need to talk."

Valkyrie felt that lump thicken and the ringing in her ears grew louder. There was something familiar about the man before and she couldn't place it. But now that she'd heard him speak, it was all too obvious.  
He was Skulduggery Pleasant. As a human.


	5. Chapter 5

Skulduggery Pleasant in the flesh. Standing in front of her. A strangled cough escaped her throat and she gave an almost panicked look to Fletcher. Who was just staring, open mouthed, eyebrows raised, not even bothering to hide his shock and even terror.

Just the prospect of him being human disturbed her, it made her shiver. It was entirely new to her, the prospect of him being... well, alive. You know when you see something that scares you and you have that feeling in your stomach, almost like throwing up but your chest gets really tight? That's what she felt.

She swallowed hard and thought about trying to say something, but nothing would come, she just knew that she'd end up sitting there with her jaw moving up and down silently. Her eyes were wide and she felt some bile rise in her throat, she thought for sure she would throw up and she knew that it would be on Skulduggery. She reached out and shoved him backwards.

He spluttered a curse word and stumbled back, just as she vomited all over the parking lot. Fletcher reached out and patted her on the back, knowing how she felt. She coughed, wiping her mouth on her sleeve, already planning to wash her jacket as soon as she got home.

She straightened up and focused her eyes on the man in front of her, now seeing just how obvious it was that it was Skulduggery. But the differences were what shocked her the most, he had grey eyes with a bright glint, his hair was brown and closely cropped. His chin was covered in stubble, not something she would have pegged Skulduggery for.

He looked almost bored, obviously annoyed with the two young people in front of him. Upon closer inspection, Valkyrie realized that he didn't know her at all, he was staring at her like she was crazy. She was about to swallow when she remembered the sick in her throat. "Y-you don't know me, do you?" she managed to get out, her throat was closing fast and she wasn't sure how much longer she would allow herself to breathe.

Skulduggery's head slowly shook. "No, but I saw the flame, in your hand," his Irish brogue left an icy clutch around her heart, it then plunged its way to her stomach, where it plucked at her innards like the strings of a guitar. She nearly let a sob escape her mouth, her knees wobbled and she felt more sick than before. She missed her Skulduggery more than ever right now, the kind Skulduggery that loved her like a daughter, the one that would brush her hair behind her ear whenever she was upset or tired, the one that chuckled often, the one that always smiled, but that was no choice of his. She had always imagined that as a human he was still always smiling, but the scowl on the face before her was disappointing.

She took a deep breath. "What about it?" it was a stupid question, it was obvious what he was saying, that's why he had come to talk to her. She calmed herself a bit, Fletcher's hand in hers made her feel a bit better and she took another breath. "What I mean is, why do you want to talk to me?"

He shifted his weight and eyed her before answering. "Because I need your help. I've yet to recruit Ghastly and China, they'll be reluctant and I need you to help convince them. China will be more compliant than Ghastly and I'm afraid that you're the person to help in his case. He seems to know your measurements well, I would assume you're a friend of his," he pursed his lips, which Valkyrie hadn't realized would be such an odd thing, since now he had lips to purse.

She shook her head. "No, no, no, Tanith will help best with that," she tried to picture Ghastly's reaction to a flesh and blood Skulduggery waltzing into his tailor shop. She nearly smiled at the image of a lot of curse words and piercing glares clouding the main room like an angry bubble around the scarred man's head.

"What? I didn't think they knew each other that well," Skulduggery's eyebrows furled, speculation crossed his face. She had to do a double take before realizing _Of course he doesn't know Tanith and Ghastly were a thing now,_ she raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah," she nodded knowingly, reveling in the ability to know more than he. "They're a couple now, didn't you know?"

Fletcher must have sensed that she was mocking in a way to protect her confusion and he put an arm around her. "Let's do this somewhere else."

They both agreed and went to Gordon Edgley's house, where they tried to hide the fact that he was dead from Skulduggery, because they weren't sure if he was trustworthy. In fact, it had only just hit Valkyrie that maybe he wasn't Skulduggery after all, that maybe she'd been so desperate to have him back that she'd insisted to herself that it was him.

He now stood across from her in Gordon's living room, fingering the tablecloth curiously. His eyes were lit up in a way that Valkyrie had always imagined on him when he found something fun to play with, she imagined it in his eye sockets whenever he teased Alice, when he flirted with China, but that was only before. Now that she saw it on him firsthand, it was almost terrifying, that he was how she imagined, maybe she was dreaming,

She excused herself to get some tea and went into the kitchen, she slapped and pinched herself, hoping to jolt awake and still be in bed. But nothing happened. So she just twisted the knob on the stove and watched as blue flames sprung alive and licked at the bottom of the kettle. She was transfixed with the fire for several minutes, before turning and going back into the living room.

Fletcher sat on the couch, his head in his hands, he seemed distressed and Valkyrie felt a bit sorry for him. While his confusion and hurt may not be at the same level as hers, she still knew that it was hard on him, he didn't have the same natural trust for Skulduggery that she did and it made it difficult for him to make this transition of finally trusting skeleton Skulduggery to being forced into trusting human Skulduggery.

She went over to sit next to him, giving his knee a quick pat. She turned and fixed her gaze on the man across from her. "So... how are you, well, human?" she asked, choosing her words carefully and trying to be delicate.

He scoffed, "Well what'd you expect me to be? Aren't we all human after all?" he stared at them both like they'd gone mad.

And then it hit her, of course he wouldn't have an answer, because as far as he knew, he stayed human for the rest of his life. Which was true in a way, he just wasn't human for his... after life.

She force a tight smile. "Of course, I meant where did you come from?"

"Or more importantly, _when _did you come?" Fletcher added.

She resisted the urge to give Fletcher the Keep-Your-Mouth-Shut-You're-Spouting-Nonsense look. Although in a way it did make sense, him being from the past, but it was impossible.

She leaned back to whisper to Fletcher, "Where do you think he's from?" her annoyance was all too apparent in her voice, even when it was lowered.

Skulduggery sighed. "Here's the deal, I don't understand this timeline all too well, so whatever you could do to point me in the right direction would be great."

The two on the couch eyed him for a minute, attempting to decide if he was worth trusting or not. They must have come to a silent mutual agreement that he was and Fletcher cleared his throat. "First, tell us your story."

Skulduggey rolled his eyes. "Alright. I had a Time Capsule, as we call them, it's an egg timer like thing that contains the power of shifting timelines. Very dangerous, very rare and very illegal. I would not suggest trying to find one, it will cost you quite a bit, maybe even a limb. And anyone found with one in their possession is immediately sent to the gallows. Well I obtained one from Dorcas Dredd, she was a little hesitant to give it to me, but I got it... even without her compliance. I was in front of the Sanctuary, to turn it into the relics keepers when it slipped out of my coat and broke on the ground, I reached down to pick it up before the contents could get around but it was too late." he shrugged and leaned back.

Before Valkyrie got a chance to speak Fletcher held up a hand. "Yes, Mr. Renn?" the older man asked.

"Just one question, you people used gallows back then?"

All he received from Valkyrie was a scowl, she didn't find it a laughing matter and she leaned in to begin her volley of questions.

"First of all, how do we know that you're actually Skulduggery?" she challenged, feeling a bit barmy.

"Well, I'm the only Skulduggery there is. Not sure what else you want me to look like," he muttered. He was obviously getting impatient with them and wanted to get on with whatever it was he was talking about before.

She nodded slowly, her mouth opened to say something, but Fletcher cut her off. "A skeleton would be nice," he shrugged.

Skulduggery's mouth opened. "I beg your pardon, that's quite rude. I'd bet you'd be a good skeleton, too."

Valkyrie laughed silently. "No, that's not what he meant," she gave Fletcher a weird look, he shrugged back.

"Well someone's got to tell him. It's too confusing if we keep dancing around the bush," he shrugged nonchalantly.

She considered smacking him, but just turned back to Skulduggery and sighed. "Go ahead and tell him, then."

Fletcher rubbed his hands together and cleared his throat. "Well, my friend," he paused for dramatic effect when really it was just annoying. "You were killed, but you didn't entirely die. You turned to a skeleton and lived on... as a skeleton. It probably wasn't the best life, but it was yours, or will be."

Skulduggery's eyebrows crept up his forehead, it gave him a weird stretched look. It kind of disturbed Valkyrie. Fletcher had given, possibly the worst description, but it would have to do. She leaned back and studied him, waiting for his reaction. Would he not believe Fletcher? Would he just laugh? Would he scoff, roll his eyes and ask what schools are teaching kids these days? She waited, not noticing that she'd slid forward in her seat.

He just made a 'hmph' sound and crossed his legs, muttering something about - "Figured something like that'd happen," - it kind of angered her, that he cared so little.

She closed her eyes briefly, the next words on her tongue were going to come and she knew that she couldn't stop them. She was too curious, finally having an opportunity to explore Skulduggery's past, to be able to speak to a Skulduggery that was open, that was willing to talk. "Tell me about your family. Your wife and child," she bit the inside of her cheek, knowing that if she kept doing that she'd gnaw it open.

He took a deep breath and she felt anxious at the thought of him answering her. "Maleficent, my wife, and Adorius, my son, are beautiful. Maleficent has a habit of singing while she waits for something, it always makes it difficult on the field or during a stakeout," a smile lingered on his lips.

It took several seconds for it to occur to Valkyrie that for him, they weren't dead, they were still alive. "How did you meet?" she queried, leaning up against Fletcher, suddenly feeling an attachment to him that she hadn't felt before.

"It was at the Sanctuary, a pack of Necromancers were trying to get in, claimed to be there to apply for jobs. But I never doubted Solomon Wreath's ability to persuade," Valkyrie stirred at the name. "We turned them away and they went mad, not killing anyone but injuring plenty. The Elders came out, demanded for it to stop, but it didn't of course. Then she came, she practically glided down the stairs. She seemed like a goddess, until she screamed. All she did was scream 'stop' and the windows shattered, the spells that the Necromancers were in the middle of performing died out, just like that. I got goosebumps. She marched up to them and commanded them to leave, they left quickly and by the time she realized all the attention on her she was already halfway out the door. I went after her and got her name. Maleficent, it still gives me tingles. She was the undersecretary for Infaria Ghraz, the Records Master at the time. I went to the records room four times more than unusually did until I got her to agree to go out with me."

Valkyrie had her head rested on Fletcher's shoulder and her eyes had fluttered closed, Fletcher looked uncomfortable and was listening intently to Skulduggery.

Fletcher smirked. "What about how you met Ghastly?" he leaned forward, making Valkyrie move her head to the back of the couch, but the majority of her weight was still pressing on him.

Skulduggery began the story, it was one that she'd heard many times, so she tuned out his words and entranced herself with the idea of sleep. She let his words work as a carrier pigeon, snatching her up and flying away. Taking her far away from this life, their talons dug into her for better grip and deposited her somewhere peaceful, leaving her to drift into a trance.

The should-be-skeleton-but-wasn't finished speaking 15 minutes later and motioned at Valkyrie. "We should probably leave her be, shouldn't we?" he asked, his voice soft and lowered to little more than a whisper.

Fletcher nodded, slowly slipping out from underneath her, resting her gently on a pillow. The two men crept out of the room and turned the light off, leaving her to sleep.

If they could see into her mind they would know that she was having a fitful dream about a woman in a long white dress with a thick veil that obscured her vision, descending a flight of stairs. Skulduggery, in skeleton form, waited for her at the bottom, his hand outstretched. When she reached the bottom, her light shoes making a clink sound for every step, her hand went to her face, her fingers wrapped around the bottom of the veil and lifted. Her face was so full of light that Valkyrie couldn't see her face, it was so bright. But she could hear her, screeching, it echoed all around and made Valkyrie cringe. Her hands went to her ears and she watched in horror as the screaming shattered windows, brought the building down into rubble, destroying the marble staircase and Skulduggery Pleasant's bones. He shattered into a million white pearly pieces.

* * *

**{A/N: THANK YOU ALL! Seriously, I've gotten the most tremendous support in this and it's so amazing to know that you all are enjoying my writing. So I mean this in all honesty when I say; you are all flawless, every time I publish a new part and get a review overnight it makes my day. You are the best readers I've ever gotten, none of my other stories have had this reaction and you guys will always rock! 3**  
**-Wombat}**


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